


hold me in the snow

by RomanoJet



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, High School, M/M, Miscommunication, they're just dumb ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22841584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanoJet/pseuds/RomanoJet
Summary: Felix has known Sylvain for practically his whole life. It just seems natural that he'd fall for the big, handsome idiot who always seemed to pay a bit more attention to him than anyone else. Too bad Sylvain's totally, completely, 100% straight.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 145
Collections: Felix Birthday Week 2020





	hold me in the snow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redeyedwrath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redeyedwrath/gifts).



> Written for Sylvix Squad Secret Santa for Isaac using the prompt 'a high school figuring out your sexuality fic'. I never ended up posting it at the time, so I'm posting it now as part of Felix week!
> 
> Felix Week Day 2: Modern AU

Felix, at the ripe old age of six years old, knew two definite truths about the world.  
  
One; the bonds of family were an unshakeable thing. That was what Glenn told him, anyway.   
  
And two; Sylvain was always going to be his best friend in the entire world. He knew this one without anyone having to tell him.   
  
“Go faster!” he urged, throwing his arms around Sylvain’s neck as the older boy hauled him around on piggyback, carting him all over the yard. The light carpet of snow crunched beneath his boots, and their breath came in large puffs of white.  
  
Sylvain laughed, the sound like bells to Felix’s ears. “Alright, Fefe.” He sped up, Felix bouncing in his arms as they circled the yard again. Even though he didn’t like that nickname, Felix felt on top of the world, so he was willing to ignore it. The cold air streaming against his face stung in the best kind of way, and his wide eyes watered slightly with the wind. In short, he was having the time of his life.  
  
As soon as he had seen the snow from the dining room window, he had rushed to find Sylvain, even though he was talking to Glenn about something boring. He had begged Sylvain to give him a piggyback ride, and the older boy had easily obliged. Luckily he had only endured minimal teasing from Glenn before Sylvain escorted him outside, bending down for him to jump onto his back.   
  
Felix adored the snow. It was pretty and white and fluffy, and when it caught in Sylvain’s bright red hair, it sparkled like diamonds. When more of it fell, they could build snow forts and snowmen and give them cool stick swords and they could stage battles between the ones he built and the ones Sylvain built. Their friends Ingrid and Dimitri often came over and played with them too, which always made for exciting afternoons, usually filled with intense snowball fights.  
  
But when it was like this, where only a light dusting of snow covering the browning grass, what Felix liked to do best was cling to Sylvain’s shoulders, feeling very tall and important. Sylvain was much taller than him, being a whole nine years old, and Felix almost felt like he could reach the clouds.  
  
Finally, Sylvain slowed down, his breath coming in gasps. “You ready to stop?”  
  
Felix wasn’t, but he knew he couldn’t make Sylvain carry him around for too long, since it made him tired. “Yeah,” he said, hopping down as Sylvain lowered himself. “Thanks, Syl.”  
  
Sylvain laughed, taking Felix’s hand and squeezing it. “You sure like piggyback rides, huh?”  
  
Felix nodded, staring at their hands for a moment before looking back up at his best friend. “I can only do it when you visit,” he explained. “I’m glad you came over when it snowed.”  
  
Sylvain chuckled, tilting his head. “C’mon, can’t Glenn give you one if I’m not here? You don’t need me to be over to have fun, y’know.”  
  
Felix shook his head stubbornly, his face darkening into a frown. “No. It has to be you.”  
  
“What? Don’t be dumb, Fefe. Why just me?”  
  
Felix refused to say anything more, pouting fiercely. As Sylvain kept giving him that bemused look, he felt the familiar building of emotion in his throat, and tears pricked at his eyes. He sniffled, and Sylvain’s expression quickly turned panicked.   
  
“Hey, hey, there’s no need for that! Don’t worry, I’ll give you piggyback rides whenever you want them,” he reassured, patting Felix’s head.  
  
Felix swatted at his hand, but he managed to stifle his tears after that.   
  
Sylvain didn't question him again afterwards. They continued their little tradition, even as they got older, and Felix got bigger and probably harder to hold. Sylvain never complained, so Felix was sure he was okay with it. He knew they would always do this, even when they were old and big. Because they were best friends, right? Nothing would push them away from each other.   
  
Of course, the world was too cruel to indulge in foolish fantasies of a foolish child. One bleak day, when Felix was thirteen years old, he was working on homework at the table, waiting for Glenn to come home from his school trip. Dima’s family was picking him up because Rodrigue’s car had broken down earlier, and they had insisted on helping, citing some favour Rodrigue had done them a few months before. He heard the phone ring and, curious, crept into the kitchen, watching as his father seemed to age ten years during the duration of the call. When he finally hung up, he looked haunted.   
  
There had been an accident, he had explained to Felix, his voice crackly and dead-sounding. Glenn wasn’t coming back.   
  
Felix didn't want anyone, not even Dima, who had been the only survivor of the accident, to visit him after that. He shut himself in his room, only leaving to go to the gym and vent out his frustration through exercise.   
  
He didn't see his friends again until he was fourteen, and his father forcibly enrolled him into Garreg Mach High School, where Ingrid and Dimitri were going, and where Sylvain had been attending for the last few years.   
  
\---  
  
All of them had changed. Dimitri, who had never been the same since witnessing so many deaths, was quiet and troubled. Ingrid, who Felix was pretty sure had a kid crush on Glenn for the longest time, had only recently been able to face people again, her face still sometimes betraying the grief she felt. Felix himself, hardened by the only truth of the world he now knew, which was that nothing good lasted, was standoffish, more likely to snap at someone than to invite friendly conversation.   
  
And Sylvain, he noticed, was the most different of all. From what he could see, he was shallow, vain, skipped class whenever he could, and flirted with anything that had a pulse. Felix had taken measures not to interact with him for the first two years of high school, because every time he saw Sylvain with a new girl on his arm (sometimes cycling between two or three in a single week), an ugly feeling rose in his chest until it threatened to choke him. So, he avoided him. Since they were in different grades, it was easy to refrain from seeing him around the school, so long as he stopped lingering in the halls. With nothing else to live for, he threw himself into his studies, achieving top marks in his first two grades.   
  
Now that Felix was in grade eleven and Sylvain in grade twelve, though, it seemed Sylvain was desperate to talk to him. Maybe he was afraid that if he graduated without reconciling with Felix, they'd end up never talking again for the rest of their lives. It certainly seemed he was that stupidly desperate, because every time Felix went to his locker or anywhere in the school besides his classrooms, Sylvain was there. He usually ignored him, nearly slamming various doors of wherever he was shut on his hands or feet many times before Sylvain stopped trying to block him from closing them. Soon, the older boy began to wait with him outside his classes minutes before they started, so Felix couldn't escape Sylvain’s chatter. It was utterly annoying.   
  
Finally, one day where Felix had had a particularly stressful test the period before and wasn't in the mood for Sylvain's inane ramblings, he decided he had had enough. Sylvain was mid-sentence about some wild party he had gone to on the weekend when Felix finally whirled to face him, anger blazing in his eyes. “What the fuck do you want from me?” he hissed. “When will you take the hint that I don't want to talk to you?”  
  
Sylvain looked mournful, almost. Like a kicked puppy. It was idiotic. “You don't?”  
  
Felix slammed the door of his locker shut, surprised it didn't break with the force of his ire. “Obviously not. I don't even want to see your stupid face.” Was Sylvain really that moronic? Felix had probably said all of three words to him the entire time he had done the whole ‘following Felix’ thing, and he hadn't caught on that Felix wasn't interested in speaking to him?  
  
Sylvain, rather than being deterred by his words, as Felix had intended, had the nerve to _laugh_ at the insult. “Aw, Fe. Don't you miss being friends? I haven't had the chance to really talk to you for years!”  
  
Felix turned on his heel, marching to his math class, fully expecting Sylvain to follow, still like some obedient puppy. Sure enough, his footsteps fell into place beside him.   
  
“I don't miss it,” he informed him. “So stop following me.”   
  
Sylvain threw an arm around his shoulders, which Felix immediately threw off. He did it again. Felix resigned himself to his fate.   
  
“You miss me,” he asserted cheerfully. “I missed you, too. We can be friends again, though, right?”  
  
Felix scowled. Why did Sylvain think that they could just go back to the way things were when they were kids? People changed. Circumstances changed. Felix wanted nothing to do with the person Sylvain was now.   
  
But something inside of him was protesting that. Sylvain had missed him. And as much as Felix hated to admit it, he had missed him too. The feeling of Sylvain's arm over his shoulders right now was warm and familiar, rather than annoying, like it should be. It was infuriating. And though he loathed to say it, it was kind of nice to hear the idiot’s voice again, even though he might as well have been talking to a brick wall for all that Felix was participating in those ‘conversations.’ Maybe...maybe they could make something work.   
  
“Felix?” he asked again, his expression open and questioning. Pleading, even.   
  
“Fine.”  
  
Both he and Sylvain looked surprised the moment it came from his mouth. But the sunny grin that then split Sylvain's face, making his warm caramel eyes light up, definitely made it worth it.   
  
\---  
  
“Felix!”  
  
Felix turned to give Sylvain a glare as he accosted him at his locker after the bell rang. Now that he had begrudgingly allowed Sylvain to talk to him again, Sylvain continued to seek him out in the hallways in the ten minutes they had before the next class. But now he actually had to pay attention to him.   
  
Felix pretended to complain about it, but he never actually asked him to stop. It meant that Sylvain still wanted to spend time with him willingly. While he didn't understand why, it wasn’t in Felix’s best interests to discourage that.  
  
Before Felix could ask what he wanted, Sylvain leaned against Felix’s locker, taking out that small pocket mirror he always carried and messing with his hair as if checking that he was still as handsome as ever. Felix rolled his eyes, placing his math books inside and taking out his biology textbook. He wanted to shove Sylvain off, but merely nudged him aside so that he could close the door to his locker. He wanted to say something like, _you're always handsome. Your hair has that artful look like it’s messy on purpose, but it's still perfect._ He did not say it.  
  
“What did you want, again?” he asked, unamused, watching Sylvain snap the mirror shut and shove it in his pocket.  
  
Now that he had Felix’s attention, Sylvain brightened. “Come look at this!”   
  
He grabbed Felix’s arm before he could protest, dragging him to one of the windows in the hallway. Felix stared up at the sky, where Sylvain was pointing. The clouds were steel-grey, and fat snowflakes were drifting lazily down, coming to rest on the ground. A small layer of snow was building up on the ground.  
  
“It’s snowing,” Felix stated, turning to look at Sylvain, raising an eyebrow. “You wanted to show me that? You know it happens every winter, right?”  
  
Sylvain nodded, his enthusiastic grin undulled by Felix’s lack of excitement. “It made me think of what we did all the time when we were kids. Remember? Whenever it snowed for the first time, you always wanted me to give you a piggyback ride. I always wondered why it was only when it was the first snow of the season.”  
  
Felix scowled, feeling his face start to flush despite himself. “I was a stupid kid. There was no reason except for that.”  
  
Sylvain looked at him, studying his features. “Right. Anyway, do you wanna do it?”  
  
Felix, still trying to recover, looked back at him suspiciously. “Do what?”  
  
Sylvain laughed. “A piggyback, of course! It’s the first snowfall. It’ll be just like old times.”  
  
Felix stared at him incredulously. “Are you fucking kidding me? We’re not kids anymore, Sylvain. I’m not doing that.”  
  
This made Sylvain pout, which Felix thought was supremely unfair, because he was extremely weak to the expression. No. He wasn't going to let Sylvain coerce him into a piggyback ride. He was seventeen, for goddess’ sake, and Sylvain even older than that.   
  
Sylvain was using his puppy-dog eyes now, and Felix could physically feel his resolve weakening. His face was flushing again, a defensive measure, and he tried to tear his eyes away from the other boy.  
  
A few seconds passed. Sylvain took Felix's hand and a shiver went down his spine.   
  
Felix ripped it out of his grip. “Goddess. Fine. We’ll do a fucking piggyback ride. And then we’ll never do it again. Got it?”  
  
Sylvain's face had brightened immeasurably, and Felix's knees felt weak when he looked back at him. He was a damn ray of sunshine. Why was he so susceptible to his stupid face?   
  
Sylvain tugged him towards the door, and Felix realised with a jolt of terror that he wanted to do it right now. Like, on the school grounds. He yanked his arm back in a panic.   
  
“We’re not doing it here, you moron! Just...come to my house after school, okay?”  
  
Sylvain only looked confused for a second, before his grin returned. “Okay! It'll really be like old times, wow.”   
  
Felix wanted to smack the stupid smile off his face. Instead, he just looked away, muttering something about class before fleeing. He didn't like the feeling in his chest. It was too warm.   
  
\---  
  
When they arrived at Felix's house, Sylvain was all too excited to look around and point out how much things had either changed or remained unchanged. It was incredibly annoying. As Sylvain pointed at a regular goddamn lamp and opened his mouth, Felix finally intervened. “Yes. It's the same fucking lamp as the one from four years ago. Can we just get this over with?”  
  
Sylvain’s grin remained. Felix was very tired.   
  
They went out into the backyard ( _“Yes, it looks the same, I fucking get it,”_ ) and stared up at the clouds. It was still snowing, and it was just cold enough to see warm breath escaping into the air in plumes of white. The bright oranges and reds of the leaves on the trees were accentuated with the sparkle of fresh snowfall. It was beautiful. Felix was beginning to regret saying yes to this.   
  
Sylvain turned to him, his smile melting into a more tender expression. Felix hated how he noticed.   
  
“So, can we just run around the yard a little bit? I promise I won't drop you.”  
  
Felix heaved a sigh. “Fine. If you really do drop me, you're dead.”  
  
Sylvain gave him a teasing smile. “Hey, I promised, didn't I?”  
  
So, he crouched down, looking very stupid with his long limbs and goofy face, doing something meant for kids. But that would make Felix equally stupid, because here he was, climbing onto his back. He clamped his hands down on his shoulders, hooking his legs onto Sylvain's arms, which the other boy wound securely around them.   
  
When Sylvain stood, Felix clutched his shoulders even tighter, hiding his face in the nape of Sylvain's neck. If he fell, he really was going to _kill him._  
  
A few seconds passed. “You can look, you know,” Sylvain's voice came, tone clearly amused.   
  
Felix, scowling, lifted his head. And now he was blushing again, wonderful. Sylvain was too tall; it felt weird to be all the way up here, closer to the clouds.  
  
“Hold on tight,” Sylvain said, and then Felix was scrambling to throw his arms around his neck as he lurched into movement, starting off way too fast for something they hadn't done in a while.   
  
“You _fucker,_ ” he growled, to cover up his embarrassment that his cheek was now pressed up against the side of Sylvain's head as he held on for dear life.   
  
Sylvain laughed, bright and pure, and it transported Felix instantly back to their childhood, awash with innocence and joy. Fuck. When Sylvain's laugh was actually genuine, it was the best sound Felix had ever heard.   
  
Sylvain shifted his head, though he couldn't look at Felix directly. Their cheeks brushed together briefly, softly, and Felix's heart skipped a beat. “Don't worry, Fe. I won't let you fall.”   
  
His voice was so warm, Felix believed him. As much as he hated it, he felt safe up here, even though he must be pretty heavy. Sylvain wasn't saying a thing about it, and he didn't seem to be struggling. So, he grumbled, but he kept his head pressed up against Sylvain's. Unruly red hair tickled his cheek, and Felix willed himself not to brush it away.   
  
They circled the yard a few times. It didn't quite capture the feeling of flying like it had when he was small, but his heart was certainly racing enough from the adrenaline to feel the same. He wasn't sure if that was because he was high up, or if it was because he was so close to Sylvain. The taller boy smelled good, like cologne, and something wintery like cinnamon and hot chocolate. Not that Felix wanted to notice that. He was just close enough to tell.   
  
Soon, it became clear that Sylvain was becoming tired. As much as he didn't want this to end, Felix had no interest in being dropped, so he jabbed Sylvain in the side. “You can put me down now.” Sylvain squeaked in protest at the violent gesture, but bent his knees nonetheless, and Felix hopped off. He pressed on his cheek with the back of his hand and cursed internally when he realised it was still blazing warm.   
  
Sylvain, turning to face him, had noticed, too. With a cat-like grin, he took a few steps forward, right into Felix's space. “So? How was that? Fun, right?” A few seconds passed; they stared at each other, and suddenly, Sylvain's hand lifted to caress Felix's cheek slowly, almost reverently. “There’s snow on your face,” he offered breathlessly, as an explanation that sounded weak even to Felix's ears.   
  
Suddenly, Felix couldn't breathe. Sylvain had little glistening flakes of snow melting in his hair, and the tip of his nose was red from the cold, so it matched his hair, which was still so bright red like when they were kids, and his hand felt so warm on his face, and fuck, why did his chest feel so tight-  
  
Sylvain's expression had shifted into more of a worried one as silent seconds passed, Felix frozen, wide-eyed. “Hey, you alright?” Hesitantly, he retracted his hand.   
  
“I'm fine,” Felix snapped, suddenly feeling trapped, turning his back on Sylvain. He needed to sort this out on his own. He stiffened as he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he glared up at Sylvain, who had that stupid tender smile again.   
  
“If you're sure. You can always talk to me if you need to.” He looked at the sky, a single snowflake landing on his nose. He grinned. “Hey, Felix, I just wanted to say thank you. When you were avoiding me, I...” His expression growing wistful, he hesitated, and Felix almost wanted to cry at the sadness in his eyes. “It really sucked. That you'd do this again for me...it means a lot.”   
  
Felix exhaled shakily. “...Sure,” he said, because what else was there to say? “It wasn't the worst thing ever.”   
  
With a laugh, Sylvain took his hand off Felix's shoulder, shoving it in his coat pocket. His mood seemingly doing a complete one-eighty, he looked cheerful as ever. “Right! Guess I should be heading home now. But you know where to find me, right?” He winked.   
  
Felix nodded, suddenly anxious to be alone. “Yeah. Bye.” He paused. Maybe he shouldn't sound so curt. “See you tomorrow.”  
  
And Sylvain _beamed._ “See you tomorrow!” he repeated, and then he was gone.   
  
Felix shut himself up in his room for the rest of the evening, burying his face in his pillow. What did this mean? Why did he feel so weak around Sylvain, especially when he smiled like he had discovered the secret to happiness, or when he looked at him like Felix was the most important thing in the world? He had never felt like this before; not with Ingrid, not with Dimitri, not with anyone.   
  
The closest he could match the feeling to was when Sylvain had described to him, a very long time ago, what having a crush on a girl was like. He had never understood it when Sylvain would go on about some girl’s hair or her lips or her eyes with that gooey tone. But when he thought about Sylvain, and imagined his hair and lips and eyes, he realised that it matched perfectly. He felt _gooey_. It was disgusting.  
  
For a long time, Felix hadn't spared a single thought towards his sexuality. He'd like someone if he did, and he wouldn't if he didn't. But now, not for the first time (though he had always quashed the thought before), he entertained the possibility that he was gay.   
  
Because he absolutely had a crush on Sylvain. Just thinking of his friend with a faceless girl hanging off his arm made him want to punch a wall. So, yeah. He liked Sylvain. Sylvain was male. Felix had never been attracted to a girl. So he was gay.   
  
And Sylvain was definitely straight.   
  
Lovely.  
  
\---  
  
Felix didn't come out of his room until he had to go to school the next day. For very obvious reasons, he dreaded seeing Sylvain, even though his friend had not been part of the life-changing introspection Felix had been having about himself the night before.   
  
Sure enough, as soon as he saw that unruly red hair poking out from the crowd of students, Felix's throat felt tight. He was going to suck it up and face him, but as soon as the crowd parted a bit, he caught sight of a girl clutching Sylvain's hand, her expression practically worshipful as she stared up at his stupid handsome face. Felix slammed his locker shut and clicked the lock, turning on his heel and practically running to his classroom. He didn't stop, even when he heard Sylvain calling his name.   
  
When he arrived, he went straight into the classroom and closed the door, so Sylvain couldn't follow even if he wanted to. When the rest of his class filtered in around five minutes later, Sylvain was nowhere to be seen. Felix breathed a sigh of relief. He felt...better? No. He felt horrible.   
  
But he didn't care. He couldn't be around Sylvain without thinking about...all that. And if Sylvain was going to flaunt his girlfriends around him, then Felix was done.   
  
After the class ended, he didn't linger, going straight to the next one. It felt strange to no longer hang around, sneaking in the moments with Sylvain that he could, but he wanted no part in that anymore.  
  
As the days passed, he got used to his new routine. Sometimes, Sylvain tried to talk to him in the hallway, but whenever that happened Felix stared straight ahead and completely ignored him. Sylvain must have gotten the hint, because he stopped trying after a while.   
  
It hurt Felix immeasurably to suddenly go back to the way it was in previous years, to pretend his best friend didn't exist. But as long as he kept repeating that it was for his own good- no, it was for _Sylvain’s_ own good- he was able to keep doing it. Sylvain didn't need his friend pining over him when they could never be together.   
  
At the beginning of the third week of Avoiding Sylvain, Ingrid cornered Felix at his locker. She didn't usually talk to him at school, so he raised an eyebrow at her questioningly.   
  
“This has to stop,” she said firmly, already pointing a finger in his face before he even knew what she was here for.   
  
Unamused, Felix moved her hand out of his face. “What does.”   
  
She looked even more unimpressed than he did. “You know what. I don't know what happened, but it's obvious to everyone that you and Sylvain had some sort of fight. Dimitri told me he's been moping around for weeks.”  
  
Felix scowled. “We didn't have a fight. And it’s none of your or the boar’s business.” Who was Ingrid to tell him what to do? Who was the boar to point out what happened between him and Sylvain?  
  
Unfortunately, Ingrid had always been able to see through his bullshit. It was a talent of hers that she used to _nag_ him all the time. Ugh. “It's our business when one of our friends is walking around mournfully like his favourite pet has died and the other one is so closed off he can't even admit what he's doing,” she hissed. “Why can't you behave like a mature, grown-up human being and just talk to him? Get over whatever your problem is. Is it worth throwing away your friendship with Sylvain?”  
  
With that, she levelled another glare at him and left.   
  
Felix hated how she was right. He would rather close himself off from his problems, bottle them all up inside him until he died. He didn’t want to talk about them to anyone, least of all Sylvain.   
  
But as the day went on, he couldn’t help but keep an eye out for Sylvain in the halls. He only caught sight of him once, but he instantly recognised that Ingrid was correct. He looked depressed. For once, there were no girls with him, and the frown on his face definitely didn’t belong. It made Felix’s heart hurt. Had he really done that to his friend? The person he claimed to have feelings for? He felt like utter shit.   
  
He had to talk to Sylvain. But now he felt sick with guilt, to add on to the feelings that would never be requited. He couldn’t bring himself to face his friend.   
  
But as it turned out, he didn’t have to. During lunch, wherein he was sitting alone in front of his locker like usual, a pair of legs stopped in front of him and the owner of those legs cleared his throat. Felix looked up, and up, and saw Sylvain standing there, that pained expression still on his face. Panic rising in his throat, he quickly fixed a scowl onto his face and stood up, crossing his arms and leaning back against the cool metal. “What?”   
  
Sylvain rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I think we, uh, need to talk,” he offered.   
  
Up close, Felix could see how tired he looked. The guilt returned, full force. It made his voice snappier than usual. “Then talk.”  
  
With a sigh, Sylvain shifted his weight to the other foot. “Okay. You’ve been steering clear of me ever since we went to your house. I just wanna ask what happened.” He gave Felix a sad smile. “Did I do something wrong? If I did, I want to apologise. It’s fine if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, but it’d be nice to at least know why.”  
  
Felix could hear his heart physically breaking with every word. Fuck. “No, you didn’t...you didn’t do anything,” he bit out. “I was just…”  
  
Sylvain was staring at him like a puppy who was being withheld treats, clearly waiting for him to finish his sentence. Felix wanted to kick him. He did not continue speaking.  
  
“Is it because I’m too ugly?” Sylvain ventured, clearly taking his (terrible) shot at guessing.   
  
“No, you’re not ugly, you-”  
  
“Is it because I’m taller than you?”  
  
“ _No,_ you idiot, it’s-”  
  
“Is it because I’m-”  
  
“Shut the _fuck_ up,” Felix hissed, lunging forward and screwing Sylvain’s collar in his fist, pulling him down so that they were face to face. Sylvain’s eyes were wide with shock, his stupid mouth finally silent.   
  
“You didn’t do anything wrong, get it? It’s nothing about you. It’s my own fucking fault,” he seethed. Sylvain looked like he was about to speak, but Felix silenced him with a death glare. He was on a roll now, and goddess help anyone who interrupted him. “I’m a fucking idiot and apparently I'm gay and I have feelings for you. But you’re straight, and you’re never going to like me back, okay? So I was avoiding you because I can’t stand seeing your stupid face and not being able to kiss you. So _fuck off_.”  
  
Breathing heavily, he shoved Sylvain away from him, the other boy still sporting that witless, wide-eyed expression, and stomped off down the hall. The anger was quickly fleeing his body, being replaced with full-fledged panic. Holy shit, he was never going to be able to face Sylvain or any of his friends ever again, why did he do that, holy fuck-  
  
“Felix, wait!”   
  
Hearing Sylvain behind him, Felix quickened his step, practically running down the hall. Hurried footsteps behind him told him that Sylvain was giving chase, and he hastened to get away. Luckily, since it was lunch, most of the other students were in the cafeteria, so Felix didn’t encounter any obstacles until he rounded the corner and was met with a dead end. Realising he must have taken a wrong turn somewhere, he screeched to a stop and attempted to do an about-face before Sylvain got there, but he was too late. Sylvain came dashing around the corner, gasping for air like he was about to die. Clearly, he hadn't been exercising for these past few years.   
  
Chest heaving, Felix pressed himself against the wall. “Leave me alone,” he spat.  
  
Sylvain, hands on his knees, blocked his path, but held up a finger to signify he needed a second before he could speak. Felix was a millisecond from just kicking him over and making another run for it before Sylvain looked up, finally having collected himself.   
  
“You didn’t even give me a chance to respond,” he panted, running a hand through his hair to spike it back up.   
  
Felix clenched his fists. “What the fuck does that mean?”   
  
Sylvain somehow managed to look charming when he grinned, spectacularly recovering from his apparent brush with death. “Well, don’t you want to know if I say yes?” He took a few steps forward, arm coming up to rest on the wall right near Felix’s head. His other arm came up on the other side of Felix’s head, and he was effectively trapped. Something like fury and panic mixed into one broiling inside of him, Felix bristled, staring up at Sylvain’s face. The other boy couldn’t possibly mean what it sounded like he was saying.   
  
But Sylvain smiled, the expression impossibly tender, nothing like the sly look he had on seconds ago. “Stop me if you don’t want this,” he breathed, and one hand came down to tilt Felix’s chin up. Sylvain let one, two beats pass; when Felix said nothing to deter him, he lowered his head and pressed his lips to Felix’s.   
  
His heart instantly jackrabbiting, Felix could hardly process what was happening. Sylvain was kissing him. Something he had given up as impossible was happening right now, and he was missing it because he was in utter shock.   
  
Sylvain pulled away, his smile growing sad. “Hey, if you didn’t like it, that’s okay. I just thought since you said earlier-"  
  
“Shut up,” Felix growled again, and once again took hold of Sylvain’s collar, this time yanking him down into a bruising kiss. He kissed him like the world was ending and these were their final moments, nipping at his lips, their teeth clacking together. Sylvain made a noise somewhat between a groan of pain and a laugh, and gently pried Felix away before kissing him again, this time taking the lead in a much softer kiss.   
  
When they finally parted, Sylvain’s eyes were wide and sparkling. “I’ve liked you for so long, Fe. Why didn’t you tell me before?”   
  
Felix’s blissful happiness from the kisses instantly gave way to disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve had a different girl on your arm for every week of high school. I obviously thought I didn’t have a chance, you idiot.”  
  
Sylvain came close to him again, cupping his cheek with unparalleled fondness in his eyes. “None of those relationships were really...real. That was just some dumb method of coping, since I, um... I needed to take my mind off wanting you.”  
  
Felix stared into his eyes, waiting for him to say it was all a joke. But the idiot wasn’t lying; his deep caramel eyes were swimming with earnest honesty. “Are you serious?” he asked, his voice small, needing to hear it again.   
  
“Cross my heart and hope to die,” he said solemnly. “I’ve liked you for forever, Fe. I was worried you’d never want to talk to me again, but then we were friends again, and it was amazing, but then you started avoiding me and I thought I had messed everything up and I-"  
  
Felix interrupted him by standing on his tiptoes and pressing another kiss to his lips. “Shut up,” he murmured fondly. “I like you, you moron. There, does that convince you?”   
  
Sylvain was staring at him like he was the only important person in the world, and Felix had to admit that he enjoyed it immensely. “Yes,” the redhead sighed. “It does.”  
  
However, Felix needed to get one thing straight. “You realise what this means, right?” he said pointedly, his face falling back into a frown. “You can't fuck around with girls anymore. No more one night stands at any of those stupid parties, or anything.”  
  
Sylvain, to Felix's immense relief, nodded instantly. “Of course. I wouldn't even dream of looking at another person after today.”  
  
Felix couldn't help but feel a little skeptical (how many girls had he used that line on in the past?) but maybe he should have more faith in Sylvain. He certainly looked determined enough to keep his word. And Felix wanted to believe that now that they were together, everything would be perfect.   
  
“Okay,” he whispered, and pulled Sylvain in for yet another kiss.   
  
\---  
  
The next morning, Felix caught sight of Ingrid pushing her way through the crowd, clearly on her way to pay Felix another visit. Felix could tell she was going to nag him about making up with Sylvain, so he turned his back on her and waved Sylvain, who he saw on the other side of the hall, over. Before the taller boy could say a word, Felix tugged him into a kiss, pointedly locking eyes with Ingrid, who looked flabbergasted, behind his back.   
  
“What’s up, babe?” Sylvain asked, once they had separated, humour in his voice. “I didn’t think you’d condone PDA.”  
  
“It’s nothing,” Felix grumbled, already forgetting about Ingrid as he looked up at his boyfriend, his cheeks flaring red. “I just missed you.”  
  
As Sylvain gathered him into a hug, cooing about how adorable he was or whatever, Felix found that he didn’t really mind all that much. If this was life getting to be in a relationship with Sylvain, then he’d gladly go through all this and more.   
  
He snaked his arms around his boyfriend and hugged him back, laying his head against his broad chest, breathing a sigh of contentment. His ‘definite’ truth about the world he had started telling himself when he was thirteen...well, maybe it wasn't so right. _Maybe,_ he thought as Sylvain pressed a tender kiss to his temple, _maybe some good things can last after all._  



End file.
